just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
