Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
