I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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