1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize