So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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