we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
