The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
