Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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