my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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