turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize