You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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