He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
