i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
