Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
