Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
