so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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