Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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