Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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