I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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