Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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