You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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