Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize