no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
