Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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