i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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