Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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