they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
