I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
