The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize