Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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