Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
