Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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