so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
