I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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