Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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