I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
