The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
