fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
