so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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