Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
