You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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