I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
