we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
