the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
