My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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