he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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