um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
