after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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