two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
