I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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