I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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