Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
