theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
